one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Say something about gay babies.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
