im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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