watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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