I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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