I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
