Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This house was built for laser tag.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
