Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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