It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize