Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
