Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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