I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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