He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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