I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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