wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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