I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
