every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
