she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize