i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
