beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
