Define "chronic" masturbator.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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