Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
