it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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