i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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