I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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