my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
