I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
