I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
