Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
