Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
