Clothes are such an inconvenience.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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