i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
