My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize