The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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