Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
