i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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