i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
