I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
