you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
