i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
