after a month anything with tits is on the radar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
