You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
