I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize