hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
