I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize