Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
