So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
