Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
