My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
