theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
3 2 1 whiskey
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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