I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
