Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
