I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just blew my weed a kiss
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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