Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
