im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
