There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
