Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
