Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
