You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
