you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
