You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
