I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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