What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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