So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize