you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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