Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
