What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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